I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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