I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
