Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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