You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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