so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
