She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
