jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
