You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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