Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"it" just moved
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
