the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
