I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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