She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My vagina just recognized that song.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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