girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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