We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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