me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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