some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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