saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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