I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
