I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will be naked everywhere
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
