that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
