I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize