Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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