Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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