4 words: hood of his car
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
