Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
