Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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