I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
