Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
