Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
