which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize