Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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