if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this will be a night to untag.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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