i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize