I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
