Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He felt like a one man threesome
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
