if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
