I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize