watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
