smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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