Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
