Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
