Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
