im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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