I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There's always time for handjobs
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
