he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
