I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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