Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
