maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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