:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
