and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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