wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His nipple licking is glorious
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