Cold hands, warm shart.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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