Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
