The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
