Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
