i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
