they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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