Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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