if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
