There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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