i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
