It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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