Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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