were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
