my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
